Dear Dad,
So it's been a grand total on 19 days since you passed away and it seems to me that every day gets so much harder. I don't know what to do with myself I'm totally lost without you, who will push me now. I know I've got mom and jen and josh and pat, but really they only go so far when all a girl needs is her daddy.
Dad, I was angry at first, I didn't know how to deal with it. I still don't know how to deal with it. It's so hard it's unbelievable. I'm too young to have to bury my father. I have mixed emotions and still have no idea how I'm going to be able to cope with this in the long run. Everyone's been telling me that I'm so strong to be there for everyone else and not taking the time for myself. People have been telling me that maybe I should go get counseling and I'm starting to think that maybe they're right and I should go. But what am i supposed to say to the, I don't know what to say I don't know what to do. I'm lost in this world without you. No matter what anyone says I'm never going to be fully okay, yeha I'll live my life the way that I should but you'll always be there and you'll always be a part of me. I'm scared of that. I don't want to lose you but I don't know how to deal with everything that's put in front of me.
I'm sick and tired of people treating me like some kind of child. I'm more mature then that and you knew that. It's terrible because in your eyes I was always your baby girl and I always will be but... I don't know I didn't want this to happen. We've had our ups and downs but in the end you always did what was best for me. I'm scared Dad, truly and honestly scared shitless of what I have to do for myself now. I don't want to go on anymore without you, I'm not saying that I'm going to commit suicide or anything, I'm not lying I have before but that doesn't solve anything that creates problems. I'm too young to have to have this to deal with, too young to have to live the rest of my life without a father. Too young to really live without living, which is what is happening to me right now, I'm living and I can see everything around me going and I just stop and stare I can't seem to actually live with the thought of you not there with me. I knew that it would come someday but this is way to soon.
What Is A Dad?
A dad is someone who
wants to catch you before you fall
but instead picks you up,
brushes you off,
and lets you try again.
A dad is someone who
wants to keep you from making mistakes
but instead lets you find your own way,
even though his heart breaks in silence
when you get hurt.
A dad is someone who
holds you when you cry,
scolds you when you break the rules,
shines with pride when you succeed,
and has faith in you even when you fail...
They say that from the instant he lays eyes on her, a father adores his daughter. Whoever she grows up to be, she is always to him that little girl in pigtails. She makes him feel like Christmas. In exchange, he makes a secret promise not to see the awkwardness of her teenage years, the mistakes she makes or the secrets she keeps.
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